Weekend Achievement #4: See it, Take it

21 05 2010

Okay peeps, I’m going to make this one easy for you. Go out and fuck the first chick you see. I don’t care if she’s black, white, blue, brown, or obese. Who needs condoms when you’ve got Penicillin standards when you’ve got a sexual conquest to man up to?

Achievement #4: Fuck the first chick you see today (unless it’s a relative or Perez Hilton).

Hopefully it’s not this chick:





Weekend Achievement #3: Denim DJ

14 05 2010

I remember the year when Christmas came twice before winter. By Christmas I mean Amanda and by winter I mean getting her pants off. This chick must have wanted it badly. I barely rolled my middle finger over her clit and before I knew it, the pressure from her  jeans got her off. I was feeling cocky, so I went for a two-fer with her Levis still buttoned. The only downside to this was that she returned the favor by taking a fortnight to touch my foreskin (just kidding, I’m circumcised). Anyway, friends, the achievement for this weekend is just that:

Achievement #3
Get a chick to cum before even taking her pants off.

If she starts asking why you’re taking so long to unleash her wizard’s sleeve, but your dick in her mouth. She’ll like that. Let me know how it went and have a hedonistic weekend, you chivalrous bastards.

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Weekend Achievement #2 – Spread the Love

7 05 2010

I got a lot of shit thrown my way after last week’s achievement.  People told me, “Ace!  What’s the deal?  The only way you can get a double BJ is to be a pimp or a porn star!” 

For once, I will admit that it was a little far fetched, but I still stand by my belief that any guy can accomplish this.  All he needs is a little confidence, a lot of liquid courage in him, and a bachelorette party in Vegas.  Plus, I bet most of you fuckers didn’t even try to accomplish it.

Wednesday’s post gave me a great idea for this week’s achievement. 

Weekend Achievement #2: Give a girl a facial.

Don’t be a smartass and mention avocado spread.  You know damn right what I’m talking about.  Find a random girl to spread your seed, or give your wife that gift she never wanted to accept.  Either way, write how it went.  I want to know if it was welcomed or if you have a restraining order because of it.

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Weekend Achievement #1: Double BJ

30 04 2010

Okay folks, the time is here for another weekend achievement. What fucked up sexcapade will you be embarking upon this time? Okay, I’ll go easy on you.

You’re a fucking liar if you, as a straight male, say you have never wanted head from two girls at the same time. Well what’s stopping you? Girls love a good cock and if you offer yours up to double the girls as usual it will be twice as charitable.

Achievement #1 Get two chicks to blow you at the same time.

Make it happen and post a comment about how it went. I’m interested to see if you actually pulled it off or not.