Hotass of the Week: Rima

19 05 2010

Girls are like ice cream. They come in innumerable flavors and make a man happy (unless the dude is gay/lactose intolerant, respectively). In my book of sexual conquests I have a whole section dedicated to foreign women such as the 2010 Miss USA winner, Rima Fakih. Though she is arguably the most controversial winner to date, she is also one of the hottest. I honestly have no idea why people are waiting until now to recognize her as an immigrant. With a name like ‘Rima Fakih,’ it’s pretty fucking obvious. Then again, the USA is usually pretty bad with recognizing terrorist names up front [zing!]. This being said, pageant officials have begun to question her morals and not just for the explosions she caused in the loins of many American males. The real issue is a question of her morality due to recently surfaced pole dancing photos which I will gladly share:

If here viable candidacy is a question of being a true American then consider this. All American girls have stripped at least a handful of times in their lives. If not, then those are the ones that should be outcasts. America is a country founded on foreigners and tits, deal with it.

Letting Her Down Gently

3 05 2010

So it’s Monday and I’m back from a long weekend. I’ve been nailing this chick in such a way that would make Jesus, a carpenter, proud. I made my intentions and the intentions of my dick, which has a mind of its own, very clear. We both just wanted to get wet, but this psycho wanted more. She wouldn’t stop with the relationship talk. Plus, she wasn’t into the whole threesome thing which meant there was no way I could accomplish the double BJ sandwich achievement with her. I had to let her down gently…in an e-mail because I’m too much of a pussy to do it face to face. To retain any sort of dignity I may have lost in doing so…ahh fuck it. Here’s the letter, I know you’re all anxious to read it:

“It’s not you, it’s me. I’m going to change, though. For the better. They say that if you truly love something you can let it go and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be. I don’t mean to insult you by insinuating that you’re a pronoun (it). I just think that our time is dwindling and that the hourglass is past half empty…for now. That may change in time or it may not. I guess what I’m trying to say can be best summed up by the great poet, Gwenivere. “If I could be sweet…I know I’ve been a real bad girl. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” I’m sorry for making love…out of nothing at all. Goodbye, Mel”

“PS Please keep in touch so we can still fuck. K, bai.
Sent from my iPhone”

Have you ever had to break up with someone via e-mail? If so then let me know how it went. If not, then you have no business intruding in this conversation, fuckface.

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Weekend Achievement #1: Double BJ

30 04 2010

Okay folks, the time is here for another weekend achievement. What fucked up sexcapade will you be embarking upon this time? Okay, I’ll go easy on you.

You’re a fucking liar if you, as a straight male, say you have never wanted head from two girls at the same time. Well what’s stopping you? Girls love a good cock and if you offer yours up to double the girls as usual it will be twice as charitable.

Achievement #1 Get two chicks to blow you at the same time.

Make it happen and post a comment about how it went. I’m interested to see if you actually pulled it off or not.

Hotass of the Week: Jelena

29 04 2010

The most romantic thing for a girl usually resembles chocolates or roses. For me, as a guy, the most heart warming objects that melt my insides every time are titties. They always know how to get the strongest muscle in my body beating (my cock). A gal with a truly good pair is the one, the only, Jelena Jensen:

Flame On

I once heard that women shit roses. If that’s true, I’d fuck the roses out of her.