A Modest Proposal

10 05 2010

This weekend was a bit of an annoying one for me though I completed the weekend achievement quite easily.  As you all know, another Mother’s day came and went, and in the midst of all the sudden feelings we remember we ever had for our moms emerged, a different feeling slowly crept its way into my thoughts.

What the fuck are today’s mothers doing to our youth?

I went into a McDonald’s and had to wait for my Big Mac meal while enduring the cries of a little boy who wanted a happy meal.  I chuckled to myself knowing that the mom would soon do her parenting job and beat him, but the beating never came!  Instead, the little shit got exactly what he wanted, immediately got bored of it, and repeated the process all over again with a new “want”.

As you can imagine, I did the responsible thing and told the kid Santa was in my trunk, dead, then left the place satisfied.  Unfortunately, it opened my eyes to a bigger, growing problem we are all facing.

Because women tend to raise the kids (use any argument you want, we’re still old-fashioned) they highly influence how the child will grow up.  Nowadays, children are turning into bratty, snobby, stupid little prima donna bitches who will more than likely accomplish nothing great in their lifetime.

So mothers, I ask you, what the fuck is going on?

My mother raised me as all children should be raised.  On weekends, we would practice holding my breath underwater with mum deciding when I came up for air.  Instead of going to summer camp, my mother would drop me off in the woods with a six-pack of Gatorade and a knife.  She would give me the time and coordinates where I would meet her and if I didn’t arrive on time, unharmed, I would be in serious trouble.  I’m not talking about “no Spongebob tonight” kind of trouble.  I’m talking about beatings with a medieval mace kind of trouble.

The result of my mother’s tough parenthood was a man who is ready and willing to take on the world.  A man who questions everything.  A man who sees both sides of the story and challenges you every weekend.  A man who has his words published and available for all to read.  A man who is not ashamed to say that when a girl asks him to cum anywhere he would like, he proudly aims for her face.

Mothers, your day yesterday was well deserved, but for the love of our children’s future, quit raising pussies.  We do not want a world ran by dudes like this one:

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Weekend Achievement #2 – Spread the Love

7 05 2010

I got a lot of shit thrown my way after last week’s achievement.  People told me, “Ace!  What’s the deal?  The only way you can get a double BJ is to be a pimp or a porn star!” 

For once, I will admit that it was a little far fetched, but I still stand by my belief that any guy can accomplish this.  All he needs is a little confidence, a lot of liquid courage in him, and a bachelorette party in Vegas.  Plus, I bet most of you fuckers didn’t even try to accomplish it.

Wednesday’s post gave me a great idea for this week’s achievement. 

Weekend Achievement #2: Give a girl a facial.

Don’t be a smartass and mention avocado spread.  You know damn right what I’m talking about.  Find a random girl to spread your seed, or give your wife that gift she never wanted to accept.  Either way, write how it went.  I want to know if it was welcomed or if you have a restraining order because of it.

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Dude(s) of the week – May 4th

4 05 2010

I love Lady Gaga.

No, it’s not because she’s a talented musician, or even close to being remotely cute.   In fact, I sometimes doubt what lies between her (its) legs.

I love Lady Gaga because the bitches go crazy for Lady Gaga.  Go out to any bar, club, even house party after 10pm that has a DJ and you will see what I mean.  When Lady Gaga goes on, ladies lose their shit and air hump anything on the dance floor.  This makes the hunting easy, as they all become the retarded zebra in the back of the pack.

Now I’m not saying that Lady Gaga will be the dude of the week.  In fact, she’ll never become the dude or chick of the week until I see her fully naked in person. No, the dude(s) of the week are the brave men serving our country overseas.

Not only are these guys out there in the hot desert sand, serving our country, shooting the bad guys in the fucking face and chewing bubble gum, but they are geniuses.  Every single one of these guys will get laid.  Why?  Look at how they rock out to Lady Gaga! And as we previously went over, lady gaga makes bitches lose their shit.  Do the math.

I envy the size of their balls and wish them a safe return home.

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Hotass of the Week: Jelena

29 04 2010

The most romantic thing for a girl usually resembles chocolates or roses. For me, as a guy, the most heart warming objects that melt my insides every time are titties. They always know how to get the strongest muscle in my body beating (my cock). A gal with a truly good pair is the one, the only, Jelena Jensen:

Flame On

I once heard that women shit roses. If that’s true, I’d fuck the roses out of her.