Babe of the Week: Lea

13 05 2010

Glee, from Fox Networks, is an excellent show if your remote control is equipped with a mute button. Maybe it’s just a personal preference because I would rather watch the women of the show participate in illicit sexcapades (rather than hear fags butcher my favorite Beyonce song), but hey, fuck me, right? The sexiest bitch on the show is the one, the only, the prude, (seriously, there was like….one fucking topless picture of her on the entire internet) Lea Michele.

To be honest, I kind of like the fact that this hot piece of ass has few scantily clad pictures. I know what you’re thinking. “Why, Ace? Wouldn’t you rather see this this hot tchochka nekkid?”

The answer is, no! Not knowing what her precious pair of jewbies look like leaves more masturbatory fuel for the imagination. Speaking of which, it’s pretty obvious that Idina Menzel’s character is her TV mommy which gives me a new mother-daughter fantasy. Bwow chicka brown cow! Congrats, Lea. You’re the girl of my (wet) dreams.

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Fuck Jillian Michaels (for real)

12 05 2010

Are you tired of being fat?  Of course you are!  But what do you do?  You spend countless dollars and time on stupid workout videos instructed by steroid using lesbians.

Well I’m here to tell you about a completely different kind of program.  This program is guaranteed to get you results, and you don’t have to put up with this fag:

How is this possible?  Let me tell you!

Our revolutionary doctors at Yale have confirmed that men have what’s called a penis, and women have these things called vaginas.  When one is inserted into the other, both sides get pleasure, creating a desire to repeat the motion.  Here is their complete report: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/csex.htm

What does this mean, you ask?  All you have to do is find the opposite sex and fuck them senseless!  Fuck them as much as possible, and because variety is the spice of life, as many different of them as you’d like!

“But Ace!  I’m fat and ugly and nobody will fuck me!”

Don’t be dumb on top of fat and ugly!  There are others like you!  Start with them and fuck your way to a size zero dress!

I am so confident that my 30 day constant fucking plan will help that I am backing it with an unbeatable guarantee.  If you don’t lose three dress sizes in a month, I will personally fuck you until you do, free of charge!*

E-mail today!

*Applies to chicks only.  If you’re a guy, start fucking yourself.

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