Men are meant to be funny, women to bake.

19 05 2010

Say what you will about men and women being equal, but as long as one has estrogen and the other testosterone, we will never be.

Guys blow shit up, start gnarly wars, and are funny.  That’s right, guys, not girls, are funny.  Think about it.  No woman has ever created or said anything funny.  There is always a man behind the joke, and the evidence is overwhelming.

Statistically, scientists (mostly a manly job as they blow shit up instead of just blowing) have shown that testosterone creates humor.  Think about it, again.  A guy sees a girl from across the room.  How does he melt her ice queen heart?  With humor.  Men use humor as a weapon to fuck, which is why we have developed it so well.

Other than shitty female wanna-be comedians who are bored with life, females have no use for comedy.  Go ahead and name a universally accepted comedy created by and starring mostly women that both sexes enjoy.  You can’t!  But if I say Seth Rogen, everyone loses their shit.

The more testosterone you have, the better your joke.  If you don’t have any, go back to making me cookies.





Dude of the Week: God (My Definition)

11 05 2010

Story time:

Once upon a time Jesus was born. He turned water into wine and his followers into livestock. Shortly thereafter, a certain hammer wielding badass named Thor nailed that fucker to a cross. He then stole the cattle to lead his kick-ass chariot. His father, Anthony Hopkins Odin, was proud. His son was a true god. The hammer: it continues to serve as a phallic extension of Norse Culture. It’s no wonder that a blog post movie is being made in his honor.

The only question is: who’s world will he be fucking up in the film? Will it be Loki, Destroyer, or some other wannabe religious figure (zombie Jesus, maybe)?

All Your Gods Are Belong to Us

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