Okay folks, the time is here for another weekend achievement. What fucked up sexcapade will you be embarking upon this time? Okay, I’ll go easy on you.
You’re a fucking liar if you, as a straight male, say you have never wanted head from two girls at the same time. Well what’s stopping you? Girls love a good cock and if you offer yours up to double the girls as usual it will be twice as charitable.
Achievement #1 Get two chicks to blow you at the same time.
Make it happen and post a comment about how it went. I’m interested to see if you actually pulled it off or not.
Sexy Time with Ace 
I couldn’t actually find two girls to lick my cock at the same time.. so I went to a gay bar where I got two fat guys to suck me off. It was great. I payed them back by letting them give me the roast.
I love the spirit, but you could use a little more finesse.
I suppose I could, but I just love being spitted on the ends of two dicks.. one in my mouth, and the other up my ass.
I got the reference the first time.
I’m not a fucking prude.
And if you love getting roasted, check out tomorrow’s blog. Men in uniform ought to turn you on.
I’m a homosexual, so instead I got two guys to do it. I went to a bar and shouted out “Who’s got herpes?” I figured those people would be the most desperate for a sexual encounter and wouldn’t ask too many questions. I already had herpes so it doesn’t really matter for me either. One guy raised his hand so I called him over and explained what I was after. He said he didn’t have much going on and agreed to join me. One down, one to go!
I went to another bar. It seemed like a ritzier place, so I approached the bartender and asked him if he knew of any herpes infested man-whores who would take part in a herpes-riddled three way. He didn’t think I was serious and told me to get out of his face. I assured him that I was. He eyed me up for a bit then sighed and pointed out one of the patrons in the back. He was in an electric green wife beater with cut up jean shorts. I was certain he’d be our third.
“Hey buddy, I hear you’re a venereal disease carrying man whore,” I said to him.
“Yea, I guess I am,” he slurred through his apple-tini, “What of it?”
“I need two guy who don’t mind my herpes to give me a blow job at the same time. Never mind why,” I explained urgently.
He swayed on his stool a bit and blinked. “What?” he finally managed to say.
“Will you,” I reiterated slowly, “lick my cock at the same time as this gentleman here?” I reached beside me. My hand fell through empty air. I looked beside me, and the guy I brought along with me was gone. “Shit,” I swore.
The man whore giggled wildly, almost falling off his bar stool. “Don’t worry man, I know a guy,” he said. He got up and staggered to the door. I figured I should follow him. I needed this.
He led us to a nearby apartment. He fell against the intercom and stabbed at a button. “Heyyy Mario! I got us hooked up with a hot three way! Get your cute ass down here!” He paused, then said, “Mario you fag, I know you’re up!” Another pause. “Maaaaariooooo!”
A whistle came from above us. We looked up and a burly, mustachioed man in a Hawaiian t shirt was leaning out. “Tommy you stupid!,” Mario said, “You have to let go of the button for me to talk back! And you’re yelling so loud everyone can hear you! Also that’s not even the right button.”
“Oops,” Tommy mumbled and let go.
“There’s no Mario here. Go away. You’re scaring my kids,” the intercom replied.
“Mommy, what’s a fag?” another small voice coming from the intercom said.
“Dammit,” the first voice said. The intercom fell silent.
“Well, are you going to let us up?” Tommy asked, unfazed.
“You’re such a whore, Tommy” Mario said, then, after a brief pause, “I’ll buzz you in.” He disappeared into the building and a few moments later, the door buzzed. Mario opened it and stumbled in, stabbing at the elevator button. We took the elevator up to Mario’s floor. Tommy pounded on his door.
Mario opened it for him, but since Tommy was drunk and leaning on the door, he fell in on top of Mario, knocking them both to the floor. “You ass!” Mario yelled and pushed him off. “So what’s this I hear about a threesome? Is it with this guy?” He pointed at me. “He’s cuuuute!”
“He needs two guys licking his cock! Because he ‘never mind why’,” Tommy slurred, trying to get up off the floor.
“Ooh I know what this party needs!” Mario danced off to a chest of drawers. I looked around his apartment for the first time. There were dildos everywhere. Sitting on table tops, arranged in china cabinets, planted in pots of dirt, even his book shelf had dildo book ends.
“Nice dildos,” I said.
“You’re such a sweetheart!” he said, “Maybe we can try one tonight!” he turned and winked at me, then went back to rummaging in his drawers. He pulled out another dildo and threw it to the ground where it flopped like a dead fish, then laid limp and lifeless on the floor. It was soon joined by a second, and then a third dildo. “Aha!” he said, “I found it!” He held aloft a small bag of white powder. “Now we can get to business!”
Suddenly Tommy rummaged in his pants and pulled out a sticky looking pistol. “Freeze, scum bag!” Tommy shouted out in a suddenly feminine voice, his crotch bulge now much smaller. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small leather book, which he flipped open revealing a police badge and an ID.
“What the fuck is this?!” Mario shouted, throwing his hands in the air, “Are you robbing me, you piece of shit?”
“What? No! I’m a cop!” he said, “Officer Emily Watson, and you’re under arrest for possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell.”
“The fuck!” Mario yelled, “You’re a cop?!”
“You’re a woman?” I said
“Yes, and yes,” (s)he replied, and started to handcuff Mario.
“This is bull shit!” he yelled, “I got your badge number! I’ll see you in court!”
“Yea, whatever,” she said as she walked him out the door. “You have to step outside his apartment, sir” she said to me. I walked out the door and she locked it shut behind me. She pulled out a walkie talkie from her pants and said, “This is Officer Watson, I have the suspect in custody. Meet me outside the front entrance.”
“Copy that,” the walkie talkie squawked back.
Emily walked Mario to the elevator. I got in with them and rode it down. Emily looked at me and said, “Sorry I had to lie to you, but Mario only breaks out the blow when he has a threesome planned.”
“Oh, that’s OK,” I mumbled. We spent the rest of the ride in silence. At the bottom, Emily walked Mario to the idling patrol car outside the stoop, and they sped away. I went back home and went to bed. It was a nice sleep but I woke up with a wicked hangover.
Clearly the length of your comment is overcompensation for something.
Maybe it is. But come now, even you must admit the part with the redhead skanks was pretty funny.
Blake if you want to hook up with me, my number is 1-800-469-9269
Aww, it’s a match made in Gay Heaven.
If you do meet up maybe you can @Stumbleupon each other’s cocks.