Okay peeps, I’m going to make this one easy for you. Go out and fuck the first chick you see. I don’t care if she’s black, white, blue, brown, or obese. Who needs condoms when you’ve got Penicillin standards when you’ve got a sexual conquest to man up to?
Achievement #4: Fuck the first chick you see today (unless it’s a relative or Perez Hilton).
Hopefully it’s not this chick:
Glee, from Fox Networks, is an excellent show if your remote control is equipped with a mute button. Maybe it’s just a personal preference because I would rather watch the women of the show participate in illicit sexcapades (rather than hear fags butcher my favorite Beyonce song), but hey, fuck me, right? The sexiest bitch on the show is the one, the only, the prude, (seriously, there was like….one fucking topless picture of her on the entire internet) Lea Michele.
To be honest, I kind of like the fact that this hot piece of ass has few scantily clad pictures. I know what you’re thinking. “Why, Ace? Wouldn’t you rather see this this hot tchochka nekkid?”
The answer is, no! Not knowing what her precious pair of jewbies look like leaves more masturbatory fuel for the imagination. Speaking of which, it’s pretty obvious that Idina Menzel’s character is her TV mommy which gives me a new mother-daughter fantasy. Bwow chicka brown cow! Congrats, Lea. You’re the girl of my (wet) dreams.
So it’s Monday and I’m back from a long weekend. I’ve been nailing this chick in such a way that would make Jesus, a carpenter, proud. I made my intentions and the intentions of my dick, which has a mind of its own, very clear. We both just wanted to get wet, but this psycho wanted more. She wouldn’t stop with the relationship talk. Plus, she wasn’t into the whole threesome thing which meant there was no way I could accomplish the double BJ sandwich achievement with her. I had to let her down gently…in an e-mail because I’m too much of a pussy to do it face to face. To retain any sort of dignity I may have lost in doing so…ahh fuck it. Here’s the letter, I know you’re all anxious to read it:
“It’s not you, it’s me. I’m going to change, though. For the better. They say that if you truly love something you can let it go and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be. I don’t mean to insult you by insinuating that you’re a pronoun (it). I just think that our time is dwindling and that the hourglass is past half empty…for now. That may change in time or it may not. I guess what I’m trying to say can be best summed up by the great poet, Gwenivere. “If I could be sweet…I know I’ve been a real bad girl. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” I’m sorry for making love…out of nothing at all. Goodbye, Mel”
“PS Please keep in touch so we can still fuck. K, bai.
Sent from my iPhone”
Have you ever had to break up with someone via e-mail? If so then let me know how it went. If not, then you have no business intruding in this conversation, fuckface.
I am just a dude who fucks chicks. To me, sexual conquests are like X-box achievements. The more chicks I fuck, the more trophies I feel like I deserve on my shelf. With this in mind I am not here to provide you with naked pictures from my sexual adventures or pills to make your pencil dick larger. Rather, I am here to challenge you to fuck with a purpose. On a weekly basis I will provide the readers of this blog to informal competitions that involve hooking up. For instance, the goal to achieve for the week may involve with hooking up with a chick of a specified ethnicity. Get your dick wet and comment on this page to tell about it. The more fucked up the story, the better. If you still aren’t getting it then read the fucking blog and you’ll see what I mean.
Sexy Time with Ace 